Friday, January 30, 2009

Letter To My Heart

An assignment of sorts from BlogHer.

Dear Heart of Mine,

I am amazed at how you function and work, growing larger and larger with the addition of each member of our little family. It seems you never cease to love, even when faced with desperate situations and moments of insanity.

The first time I really paid much attention to you was when I met Bart...Mr. Pierced (pronounced pierce-ED) Tattooed Freak. I had this crush on him, but it went away for a while...there were lots of fish in the single's ward sea. Then, he planned Operation Day 13, gave me the biggest box of chocolates I'd ever seen (he spent $135 at Godiva), and the rest is history. You doubled when I fell in love with Bart, and he still does things to help you grow, keep you guessing, and to make you happy. He is the perfect compliment to me.

I know that you ached when Ms. Glenda got sick. All of me ached. I know that you thought you might just shrivel up and quit working when she passed away, but then you remembered something...Families are forever, so we would one day see her again. I can still see that little hole left, but Ms. Glenda was such an amazing woman, such a powerhouse in our lives, that I think it is okay to have a little hole dedicated to her, ready to be patched in the eternities.

Then, less then one year after getting a bit of you torn out, you grew. I grew. Brennan joined our family. He was such a happy baby, always smiling, doing neat tricks, pleasing us with all he did. I didn't think I could love more and I was quite smitten with what our family was blessed with.

Then, came Jackson. He isn't quite as easy going as Brennan, but he is such a wonderful kid that it's hard to not have your heart grow larger when you have the chance to know and love this kid. Jackson can drive you bonkers and make you smile all in about five seconds. He's really done a number on your heart.

And now there is Ethan. Number three. The end. You ached a bit when the ultrasound tech said "My three sons". If you could, I think you would have punched her in her face, but luckily you were locked safely in my care. It was not witty or wise of her to say that. However, Ethan is here now and there is no replacing him. When I look at him, I feel you grow, warming me and reminding me that God has a plan for this family, and for some reason, our plan only involves daughter-in-laws, no daughters.

So heart, what is in store for us next? I hope no more ache, yet I know you will. That is part of life, sadness, loss, loneliness. There's also joy, celebration, and hope. Thank you for always being with me and guiding me to choose what is right and true, helping me be ME. Without you, I'd be lost.

Your body and soul

5 Words to brighten my day:

PapaJeff said...

Jessie, this is really insightful and beautiful. You are truly an inspiring writer. Mama's grandmother Elizabeth Acker was a writer and poet, so I guess some of that passed on to you. I could echo all of that about the growing with each of you four, and now that there are 5 grandchildren the growing continues. There may well be a sweet little girl just sitting up there waiting for you to be her Mommy (or maybe another sweet little boy or two).

Anonymous said...

Jessie, I don't know if I have an account. But thank you for adding me into your "Heart Post" on here. And there might have been a lot of fish in the "singles ward sea" but there was only one shark. I love you and the boys with all my shark heart, and my heart grows bigger each day just knowing I can always come home to you four crazy people.


PapaJeff said...

I like the addition on Bart. You two are a good match.

Connie said...

Great Letter! It was a pleasure to read....

Anonymous said...

Great letter! It's not always easy to follow your heart, but it never lies and eventually leads you to beautiful places...