Rednecks

I received this from one of my mom's great friends, Janet. She is always good for a laugh, and this was no exception.


>Dearest Daughter,
>
>I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live
>where we did when you left home.
>
>Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of
>your home, so we moved.
>
>I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family
>that lived here took the house
>
>numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
>
>This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about
>it.
>
>I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
>
>The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time
>for three days and the second time for four days.
>
>About that coat, you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would
>be too heavy to send in the mail with
>
>the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
>
>Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because
>it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
>
>Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet
>so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
>
>Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull
>him out but he fought them off and drowned.
>
>We had him cremated. He burned for three days.
>
>Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was
>driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety
>
>Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't
>get the tailgate down!
>
>There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has
>happened.
>
>Your Favorite Aunt,
>
>Mom