Monday

Monday OPS goes back to school.  It's a day I've been anxiously awaiting and also dreading.
Today MPS went back to school.
And Joss started kindergarten...one of Jackson's earliest friends.

Jack and Joss were JUST tiny babies yesterday.  Just thinking about Jackson going to school ALL.DAY.LONG makes me so weepy.  And I hate weepy. I want to punch weepy me in the face.
I was not like this with Brennan.  I wonder if it is because he was the oldest?  Or because he'd already done 1/2 day preschool.  It was during naptime so I basically didn't even miss him.  But Jackson going all day?  That is going to leave a big gap in my heart and the home.  Poor Ethan isn't going to know what to do with himself.  Poor ME isn't going to know what to do with MYself!  I am getting weepy just typing those sentences!
Maybe it is because we did "homeschool preschool" last year?  Maybe it is because he has the cutest smile with perfect little teeth?  Or maybe it is because he is so darn accident prone and I worry about him on the play ground with others.  Maybe it is the because I will miss the way he tries to comfort Ethan, even when Ethan is the one causing his own pain and frustration.  Whatever it is, it's going to be tough.
I am going to try and be brave.  Jackson says he is "99% excited and 1% not excited" to go to school.  He's already told me many, many times he is going to miss me so much each day.  I don't want him thinking him going to school is a bad thing.  It really is great and amazing and aren't we so lucky we live in a country where the children can safely (for the most part) go to school each day to learn and grow and blossom?  And, I don't want the other mom's thinking I'm a wuss, either...maybe I can just keep thinking about sneaking to Brennan's room and snapping a picture and how he will hate that and that will help me smile and get through those moments as Jackson walks from my arms into his big boy chair at a table full of new friends and adventures.

But...Monday morning will be a rough one for me.
I set up a lunch date to help ease the lose of my "junior kid".  Because I think Jackson will have a valid arguement against Brennan that he is now officially a " real kid".  I am getting so panic-y and my chest gets tight thinking of having to walk away from the school Monday morning.  It could get ugly.

Jack on Bren's first day of prechool, 2007

The only reason I cried when Brennan went to school is because as we walked about from the building, Jackson started asking why we'd left Brennan.  And I blamed it 100% on pregnancy hormones.  If Ethan even THINKS of doing something like that, I am giving him a bottle of hot sauce to suck on ;).   And if any of you even THINK it is pregnancy hormones, my dears you are WAY mistaken (it's just fat, trust me!)   Every time we drive past the school, Ethan points to it and says, "Jack go kindergarten there."  He has no idea how that is a tiny knife in my heart.
Man, having your kids grow up is hard on a mother's heart!  (Though let's be honest, if Ethan were going, I'd be doing cartwheels.  Which means I'd have learned to do cartwheels.  I love Ethan but man alive, a break from him would be great.)

What hard things have you had to do lately?