Monday

Monday OPS goes back to school.  It's a day I've been anxiously awaiting and also dreading.
Today MPS went back to school.
And Joss started kindergarten...one of Jackson's earliest friends.

Jack and Joss were JUST tiny babies yesterday.  Just thinking about Jackson going to school ALL.DAY.LONG makes me so weepy.  And I hate weepy. I want to punch weepy me in the face.
I was not like this with Brennan.  I wonder if it is because he was the oldest?  Or because he'd already done 1/2 day preschool.  It was during naptime so I basically didn't even miss him.  But Jackson going all day?  That is going to leave a big gap in my heart and the home.  Poor Ethan isn't going to know what to do with himself.  Poor ME isn't going to know what to do with MYself!  I am getting weepy just typing those sentences!
Maybe it is because we did "homeschool preschool" last year?  Maybe it is because he has the cutest smile with perfect little teeth?  Or maybe it is because he is so darn accident prone and I worry about him on the play ground with others.  Maybe it is the because I will miss the way he tries to comfort Ethan, even when Ethan is the one causing his own pain and frustration.  Whatever it is, it's going to be tough.
I am going to try and be brave.  Jackson says he is "99% excited and 1% not excited" to go to school.  He's already told me many, many times he is going to miss me so much each day.  I don't want him thinking him going to school is a bad thing.  It really is great and amazing and aren't we so lucky we live in a country where the children can safely (for the most part) go to school each day to learn and grow and blossom?  And, I don't want the other mom's thinking I'm a wuss, either...maybe I can just keep thinking about sneaking to Brennan's room and snapping a picture and how he will hate that and that will help me smile and get through those moments as Jackson walks from my arms into his big boy chair at a table full of new friends and adventures.

But...Monday morning will be a rough one for me.
I set up a lunch date to help ease the lose of my "junior kid".  Because I think Jackson will have a valid arguement against Brennan that he is now officially a " real kid".  I am getting so panic-y and my chest gets tight thinking of having to walk away from the school Monday morning.  It could get ugly.

Jack on Bren's first day of prechool, 2007

The only reason I cried when Brennan went to school is because as we walked about from the building, Jackson started asking why we'd left Brennan.  And I blamed it 100% on pregnancy hormones.  If Ethan even THINKS of doing something like that, I am giving him a bottle of hot sauce to suck on ;).   And if any of you even THINK it is pregnancy hormones, my dears you are WAY mistaken (it's just fat, trust me!)   Every time we drive past the school, Ethan points to it and says, "Jack go kindergarten there."  He has no idea how that is a tiny knife in my heart.
Man, having your kids grow up is hard on a mother's heart!  (Though let's be honest, if Ethan were going, I'd be doing cartwheels.  Which means I'd have learned to do cartwheels.  I love Ethan but man alive, a break from him would be great.)

What hard things have you had to do lately?

Hallelujah...do you hear the bells ringing?

Jackson has been walking around singing the hallelujah  chorus (I believe that is what it's called) for months now.  It is really quite funny.
Monday, though, I was singing it, too!
SCHOOL STARTED!
Brennan got the teacher he'd hoped for, I got some relief from the fighting, nagging, whining that had been going on all summer.

Jackson was so excited.  He is getting to "go to" preschool.  By "go to" I mean that I am homeschooling him.  He is too smart for public preschool (go figure) and we are too broke for private (when you already had bills and you get more, it just takes that extra money away) preschool, so I decided to put my college degree to use and home school him this year.  He is loving it so far.

Once life settles down (4 cakes and a wedding cake in two weeks!  Yikes!) I will study the NE state curriculum for pre-K and do proper lesson plans.  This week we are just learning about Jackson, the letter A, and counting to 20. 
I am kind of excited to do this.  It is allowing me to spend quality time with Jackson, something that I sometimes find myself skimping on.

Plus...it means that I can call all play dates "field trips" now and not feel guilty about them :)  I have a field trip planned to the Omaha Children's Museum next week, Ditmar's Apple Orchard in September and Vala's in October.  It's fun to be excited to spend time with my children...sometimes I feel so trapped, but lately I've felt happy to be at home so much.  Granted today's lesson was less then stellar, but Jackson didn't seem to mind and while Super Why was on, I started working on cake stuff, while still pointing out letters and such to Jack...he, he...yep, I used the t.v. as a babysitter AND teacher today.  But I'm okay with that, because it won't be on every day. 
So, here's to a great school year, with routines, less fighting, and more fun!